


Letters You Weren't Supposed to See

by Alyssa_85



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Feliciano's an ass, Friendship, Love Letters, Lovino gets outed, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:41:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27549256
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alyssa_85/pseuds/Alyssa_85
Summary: Someone sends out a bunch of letters Lovino had written, and the one person he didn't want to read them, did.
Relationships: South Italy/Spain (Hetalia)
Comments: 6
Kudos: 20





	Letters You Weren't Supposed to See

**Author's Note:**

> I kinda feel like Romano might be a little out of character in this, but I'm not sure. I picture him in my head as I read it back, but I have no idea if someone with an outsider's POV will do the same. However, I really liked writing this and I hope whoever is reading enjoys it too!

Lovino had his headphones in, eyes on the open book in front of him, but even when blocking everyone out, he could feel their eyes on him. It wasn’t the first time that day. He’d first noticed the stares, the snickers as he passed by, the whispers behind covered mouths, all directed towards him during the first into the first period that morning.

He pulled his hood further over his head, gritting his teeth. He’d never particularly liked peoples eyes on him, but that day was the worst. The stares felt malicious like they were purposely laughing at him.

Lovino was brought out of his thoughts with a hand waving in front of him. He looked up, eyes meeting those of his best friend. He narrowed his eyes, pulling a headphone out. “Ciao.”

“I’ve been looking for you, this is the last place I thought to look.”

Lovino snapped the book shut. “I thought it was the safest,” he admitted. “Unfortunately they’re here too.”

Antonio cocked his head. “Who’s here? You’re all on your lonesome here.”

“The voices, Antonio.”

Antonio stared at him, alarmed. “You’re hearing voices?”

“Can’t you hear them too?”

He shook his head. “Do you need a doctor?”

“Are you seriously deaf?” Lovino turned his head quickly in the direction of the voices, two girls immediately hiding behind an upside book. “Them. Them.” Lovino pointed between two small groups of people, badly concealing the fact they were looking at them. Lovino sighed, realising Antonio was not catching on in the slightest. “They’ve been following me around all day. They’re not exactly good at hiding. Kinda feels like the whole school has been laughing at me today.”

Antonio tapped his chin. “I do think I’ve heard your name a lot more today than usual.”

Lovino piped up. “Really? What have they been saying?”

“I don’t know. I wasn’t really listening.”

“You’re useless, bastard.” He leant back in his chair, hands behind his head. “I don’t know what their deal is. I don’t know what everyone’s deal is.”

“Want me to go ask?”

“You can try.”

Antonio sent him his signature grin before standing up and walking to the girls, who had escaped to the other side of the room. Lovino couldn’t tell what they were saying, but the way Antonio looked back at him said enough. Lovino watched as one of the girls pulled her phone out, fiddled with it and then handed it to Antonio, and with every passing second he watched as Antonio’s face grew redder, his eyes occasionally flickering towards him.

Lovino shifted uncomfortably in his chair as Antonio walked back towards him, face contorted in an emotion Lovino for once wasn’t familiar with, hands shoved into his pockets. “Lovino?” His voice was scarily serious as he joined him. “Can you come with me for a second?”

Lovino wanted to say no, wanted to stand and run from Antonio, scared of whatever had caused the pained look on his face, but he didn’t feel that was truly an option. He stood up, grabbed his bag and let Antonio lead him from the library and across campus. They moved in silence, Antonio a couple of steps ahead, rather than beside him where he usually walked.

“Is this where you kill me?” Lovino joked, shifting on his feet as they come to a stop. “Seriously, Antonio, what’s going on?”

“Do you love me?” Antonio blurted, his face suddenly a deep shade of red, the weird look was gone.

Lovino spluttered, taken aback, bag hitting the floor before he had a chance to grab it. “W-what the fuck makes you ask me that?”

Antonio rubbed the back of his neck, smiling sheepishly. “I saw the letters.”

Lovino was panicking, heart pounding painfully in his chest. “I-I have no idea what you’re talking about!”

“Lovi… I think we need some space.”

“No… Fuck!” 

Lovino took off in a run, not once looking back at Antonio. He kept running until he made it to the library. He burst through the door, ignoring all the eyes that snap towards him. He scanned the room, eyes falling on the two girls from earlier. He plastered a forced smile on his face and made his way over to them.

“Ciao, bellas,” he greeted.

They raised their eyebrows at him. “Lovino,” one replied. “You can drop the act now, we all know you don’t really want to flirt with us.”

Lovino chuckled, running a hand through his hair. “And what would make you think that?”

“Because you love Antonio?”

His smile dropped and his eyes narrowed. “What makes you think that?”

“We’ve seen the letters, duh? Did Antonio not just take you out to tell you he loves you too? He looked so serious.”

“L-letters?”

She pulled out her phone, fiddling with it for a few seconds before handing it to Lovino. “These.”

Lovino scrolled through the pictures, heart dropping with each word he read. “W-where did you get these?”

The girl shrugged, taking her phone back.

“Where did you get these?” He repeated, voice louder, a harsh tone he’d never used towards a girl before.

She eyed him wearily. “Your brother.”

“What?”

“Your brother sent them.”

Lovino couldn’t say anything.

“So you guys dating or what? We had a bet, ya see.”

“Fuck you both,” he snapped. 

Lovino was seeing red as he made his way out of the library. He wasn’t even sure where he wanted to go part of him wanted to find his brother and wring his neck out for what he’d done, but another part of him just wanted to go home, wanting desperately to avoid seeing Antonio again. He knew his friendship with Antonio was over the second the question left his mouth. How could Antonio possibly stay friends with someone who had written  _ those _ things about him?

“Lovino!” He froze at the sound of the voice, the Spanish accent hard to miss and he could feel the tightness in his stomach starting, a tell-tale sign he was going to cry, and at that moment he knew he needed out. Without turning to face Antonio, he took off in a run again, this time leaving through the gates and never looking back.

Lovino was grateful his grandfather worked long hours during the week so he wasn’t there to yell at Lovino for skipping school. Lovino toed his shoes off in the doorway to the house, then padded through, going straight for his bedroom.

He looked around the room, looking for the signs his brother had been in there, but there was nothing. No item out of place, everything exactly in the organised mess he left it in.  _ When did he even do it?  _ Lovino sat down on his floor, and from under his bed, he fished a small, flat safe. It was still locked, Lovino having the key on him at all times, so how on earth had Feliciano even got in?

Lovino pulled the key from around his neck then unlocked the box. Inside was a large pile of letters. They hadn’t meant to be seen by anyone, just Lovino. He’d never been good at feelings or making real friends, so when he met Antonio who was nice, and incredibly persistent in being his friend, Lovino fell hard. Unfortunately with that, comes the reminder that Antonio could never feel the same, so he bottled it all up. Wrote every thought and feeling into letters, letters his best friend should have never seen.

Lovino shifted through the papers, noting that they weren’t in order anymore, proof that someone other than him had indeed touched them. Not that he needed any more proof than the pictures. The pictures his brother had sent God knows how many people. The school knew. The school knew the dirty insides of his head, the way Antonio made him weak in the knees. Everything. They knew everything, and at that moment, Lovino wanted to curl up and disappear. His heart, the thing he tried so hard to keep hidden, had been exposed to the world, exposed to  _ his _ world.

With an angry sigh, Lovino shoved the letters back in, locking the box back up and shoving it away. He laid back on the floor, staring up at the ceiling, anger pulsating through his entire being. He was sure if Feliciano walked through that door, he’d be walking out with a bloody nose.

* * *

Lovino wasn’t sure how long he’d been laying on his bed when he heard the front door shut, but he knew it must have been a few hours at least. Feliciano was home. He could hear the footsteps up the stairs, slow and steady, and Lovino knew why.

The footsteps stopped outside of his room, followed by a silence and then a knock. Lovino said nothing. He was too angry to respond, an anger he’d never quite experienced before. There was more silence before the door slowly creaked open.

“Lovino?” Feliciano’s voice was soft, a quiet he wasn’t often able to use. “Are you awake?”

Lovino remained quiet, the last thing he wanted to to see his brother, let alone talk to him.

“Lovi, please, look at me.” He could hear the pleading in his voice, and for once Lovino wasn’t conflicted. There wasn’t a single ounce of him that wanted to hear him out, much less forgive him. “I didn’t mean to,” Feliciano continued. “I was snooping, and I know that was wrong, but… you never talk to me about anything, and I was curious about your life!” He felt the bed dip, Feliciano sitting down and he desperately had to fight the urge to kick him hard in the side. “I found the box… it was unlocked, so I took a peep. I was shocked, Lovino. Some of the things in those letters were really…” Feliciano trailed off, staying silent for a moment before continuing. “I only meant to send them to Ludwig, I wanted to ask his advice on how to help you!”

Lovino shifted uncomfortably.

“You’re so private with your feelings, that I wanted to try and help you and Antonio get together, but I accidentally sent it to half my contact list… and then it just spread.”

He couldn’t quite figure out why his brother thought that was even slightly an okay thing to do. Even just sending it to his stupid oaf was a massive invasion of Lovino’s privacy, not to mention absolutely humiliating.

“I wasn’t doing it to hurt you, Lovino.” Feliciano watched Lovino’s shoulders tense. “I’m really sorry.”

“It’s not fucking good enough,” Lovino finally whispered.

“What?”

“It’s not fucking good enough!” He screamed, sitting up and finally looking at Feliciano. “I don’t give a fuck if you were trying to help me, how could you? How could you find something, in  _ my _ room and think it’s okay to send it to  _ anyone _ ?” He balled his fist up beside him. “How could you be so fucking stupid? Those letters were clearly private. They clearly had things I wouldn’t want the school to know, wouldn’t want  _ him _ to know.”

“I just wanted to help!”

“How was telling the entire school I fantasize about my best friend shoving me in my mattress fucking helping me, Feliciano? How was letting the whole school know that I, Lovino Vargas, was gay? I wasn’t ready for people to know! You may have been comfortable coming out, but you outed me, Feliciano.” He wiped furiously at the tears that had unwillingly spilt. “Even if those were supposed to just to Ludwig, that was still too much. You outed me to the entire school. You’ve destroyed my friendship with Antonio.”

“But he feels the same!” Feliciano argued.

“No, he doesn’t, because I know who he actually wants to be with, and it certainly isn’t me.” He sighed. “I guess that shows you didn’t pay much attention to all the letters.”

“But you guys are always together! He’s always over here, eating dinner, napping with you.”

“Because we’re friends! Fuck, Feliciano, you’ve ruined everything. He asked me for space today. That’s code for ‘I’m not comfortable around you anymore’. That’s on you. This is all on you. The entire reason I wrote those things into letters and put them in a box under my bed was to keep them private. And now they’re out.”

Feliciano was quiet for a moment, his mouth twitching as if he was going to cry. “I’m so sorry, Lovino.”

“Sorry doesn’t fix everything, Feliciano, and it certainly doesn’t fix this. I will never forgive you for this.” Lovino laid back down, back to Feliciano. “Just get out. I don’t want to see you.”

He felt the bed shift as Feliciano stood up. “You… you can punch me if you like. If that will help.”

Lovino wanted to. God, he wanted to, but he was tired. Too tired. “Just get out.”

Lovino woke to the sound of his door opening and soft footsteps walking in. He kept his eyes closed, just listening to the sound of the intruder. He could tell whose footsteps they were, ones he’d heard walking into his room thousands of times, which just made him curl tighter into a ball on top of his covers.

* * *

“I know you’re awake, Lovi.” Antonio said. “Feliciano called.” Lovino heard a light thump. He risked opening his eyes. Antonio was sitting against his wall, head ducked against his knees. “I think we need to talk about this, Lovi.” Lovino couldn’t read his voice, nor could he see his face to read his eyes. “I think you misunderstood me this morning. I didn’t mean I wanted space… I thought you would.”

Lovino bit his lip, rolling onto his back. “Why would I want that?”

Antonio looked up, as if shocked that Lovino had spoken. “You know why. I had no idea you felt the way you did, Lovino. None. If I did… I wouldn’t have…”

“I know.” He sighed. “I didn’t tell you for that reason.”

“But all the times I gushed about him, that must have hurt.”

Lovino shrugged. “I got used to it.”

“I feel awful.”

“Don’t. It’s not your fault I feel the way I do. It’s not your fault you found out. I’m surprised you even want to be around me, considering some of the things I wrote.”

Antonio chuckled. “It was detailed.”

Lovino felt his face flush. “Shut the fuck up.”

“Sorry, sorry.” Antonio shifted, spreading his legs out in front of him. “Francis says I’m stupid. Says I should have realised sooner how you felt, apparently it was really obvious.”

Lovino would beg to differ. “You don’t notice anything.”

“I notice that you’re hurting.”

Lovino was silent for a few minutes, not really know how to respond. Antonio wasn’t wrong, he was hurting, but it wasn’t Antonio’s fault. Lovino knew Antonio hadn’t done anything wrong. He never did.

“I wish I could.” Antonio finally said, breaking the silence. “I wish I could reciprocate your feelings.”

His breath caught in his throat. “That’s not as nice a thing to say as you think, bastard.”

“I mean it. I’ve been thinking about it, and yeah, I wish I did.”

“Fucking hell, Antonio, read the room.”

“I just mean… it would be easier, ya know? For both of us.”

“Why did you think I’d want space?” Lovino asked for a second time.

Antonio sighed. “I guess I thought you’d want space to get over me… since we became friends we’ve always been together. We spend so much time together, we cuddle as we sleep, I cook meals and we hang out all the time… I guess I must have been sending mixed signals.”

“I don’t think flat out telling me you’re in love with my brother is exactly a mixed-signal, Antonio. It was pretty fucking in my face clear.”

“You know what I mean. Our friendship was intense, Lovi. We acted more like lovers than Francis and Arthur ever had. We drunk make-out all the time. I… can’t imagine how that makes you feel.”

“You’ve read the letters.”

“I would never have kissed you if I knew you really had feelings for me and I wasn’t just a drunken mistake to get out frustrations.”

“I don’t regret it.” Lovino figured honesty was the best policy at that point. Antonio knew everything anyway, he had nothing left to lie about. “I wouldn’t have kissed you if it was an issue. In a way, it was a means to get rid of frustration. The frustration was just that you’d never kiss me sober. I knew what I was doing, and it definitely wasn’t a drunken mistake. At least not for me.”

“I don’t want things to change between us, Lovino. I want to still be able to hug you, still be able to cuddle as we nap, I understand that’s selfish of me, so tell me if that’s not okay. I’ll respect your wishes.”

Lovino rolled back onto his side to face Antonio, who was already watching him, eyes soft as they meet Lovino’s. “I guess I don’t want things to change either.”

Antonio grinned at him. “So you don’t want space?”

“As if you’d let me have it if I did,” Lovino snapped, but there was no malice in his voice. “He doesn’t know by the way.”

“What?”

“Feliciano. He read the letters, but he didn’t really  _ read _ the letters.”

Antonio shrugged. “I don’t really care either way. Even on the off chance that he did feel the same, I’d never want to be with him.”

Lovino narrowed his eyes. “Why the fuck not?”

“Well, two reasons, Lovinito, one, he’s hurt you too much. What he did, spreading those letters, definitely way past the line of ‘okay’ but two, I wouldn’t do that to  _ you _ . Even had Feliciano not sent those letters and your feelings for me stayed hidden, I would never actually want to date your brother. That definitely would have ruined things between us.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

“Nope! Brothers are off-limits!”

He was silent for a moment, and then something bubbled up in his chest. It was quiet at first, his chest rising and falling but it quickly progressed to guttural laughter. Lovino had to hold his stomach as he laughed, a stitch forming.

“Lovino?” Antonio shot to his feet, concern written across his face. “What’s so funny?”

It took a few minutes for Lovino to calm down enough to talk. “I’ve spent this past year wondering what the fuck would happen to me if you left me for my brother, and  _ now _ you tell me you wouldn’t?”

Antonio tilted his head. “I figured you’d know you come first. Have I ever done anything to make you think I was going to leave you?”

“You did ask for space earlier.”

Antonio chuckled, sitting down beside Lovino on his bed. “I know. I should have been more clear with what I meant.”

Lovino shrugged. “I’m used to you saying the completely wrong thing at the completely wrong time.”

“So… what revenge are you planning?”

“What?”

“You're not about to let Feliciano get away with this, are you? Lovinito, he outed you! I know you weren’t ready to come out.”

Lovino thought back to earlier that day. Anger. That had been the unrecognisable emotion on Antonio’s face. He’d been angry, but not at Lovino and the things he’d written, instead, it was at the fact those things had been spread around, quelling any chance Lovino had of coming out on his own terms. He wanted to cry all over again.

“I was thinking shave the fuckers head. Leave just his curl.”

Antonio cackled, shifting to lay down beside Lovino. Lovino tensed, but moved over, letting him have more space. “That’s cruel, Lovino, I love it!”

“Or, you and your shitty friends could fuck with him. Put a wedge between him and his potato bastard.”

“I don’t think they’d be down for that.” He tapped his chin. “Well, Gilbert might.”

Lovino shrugged, letting his hands drop to his sides. “I’ll think of something. I’ll wait till he’s not expecting it, and then I’ll ruin his life, the way he ruined mine.”

Antonio dropped his hands too, fingers brushing over Lovino’s. He tentatively intertwined their fingers and Lovino froze. Antonio squeezed his hand. “It’ll be okay, Lovi. Give it a few days and they’ll be some new hot gossip.”

“I don’t really think of my sexuality as ‘hot gossip’.”

“You know what I mean.”

“Hm.”

They laid there for the rest of the evening, neither saying anything, their hands intertwined between them, and for the first time since he’d seen that the letters had been distributed, he felt happy. Safe. He knew Antonio would never feel the same way about him, but he was okay with that. As long as Antonio stayed by his side despite his feelings, he knew he’d be okay. Not that he’d ever admit that to anyone but the notebook in which he would continue to write the letters in.

**Author's Note:**

> If you're new to my profile and you enjoyed this piece, please think about checking out my other works. They're all quite old now, but I'm still really proud of them and would like people to read them and don't be afraid to comment on them just because they're old!


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